Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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