Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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