I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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