Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I skipped work to stalk him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
