don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I look better un-naked...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
