Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
