Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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