Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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