why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize