i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
