Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
