I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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