There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We don't watch enough power rangers
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
