Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
