My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
