So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
