i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
