Swine flu. Run for my life!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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