Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
