her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
