he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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