Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
