I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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