I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
