It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
