im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
