Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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