She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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