I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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