Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
