I have demons in me.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
