Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
