super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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