you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
