i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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