do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
