just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
