looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
