btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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