Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
