Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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