I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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