The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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