The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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