I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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