Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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