well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize