this beer tastes like vomit already
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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