had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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