you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
