she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
