Just fell off a train. Bad.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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