census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
