Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
