We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
