oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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