We're like a lot better than the average bears
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So many bounce houses so little time
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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