hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
