i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
