You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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