Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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