I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
