I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Duck Duck Cougar?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
