I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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