Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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