How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
