if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
