I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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