my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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