Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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